don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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