apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
