Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
