i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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