just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
