I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
