"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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