I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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