The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
