You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
