Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
me + whiskey = a bad person
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
