I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
