I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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