I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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