Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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