He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
