Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
