If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
