Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
