his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
