Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
