On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
