God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
