I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
