Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
