my phone needs a breathalizer
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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