I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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