u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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