And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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