I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
