He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
