This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
