If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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