he thought i was a dude.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
