i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
