apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
