I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
