your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
