if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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