My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
