yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
