My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
