Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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