I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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