I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
