Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
