piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
