i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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