When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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