just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
