.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
