whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
