if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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