Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
