I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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