i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
