We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
